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200+ Best Funny Facebook Statuses that You Never Knew. The Most Funniest Facebook Statuses Ever

17.09.2019
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So, we suggest you our 200+ Best Funny Facebook Statuses that You Never Knew

Funny Facebook Statuses



Lucky for you, mirrors can't laugh out loud.

Time is precious. Waste it wisely.

If something's not going right, try left.

About to dance my feet silly!

Funny Facebook Statuses
Smile while you still have teeth.

I love my bed, but I'd rather be in yours.

Why bother reading books? We have Eminem; he can read a whole story in 4 minutes.

Funny Facebook Statuses


I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.

Wife: I'm pregnant, what do you want it to be? Husband: A joke.
Funny Facebook Statuses
Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook friend.

Relationship Status: COMING SOON

You can't be late until you show up.
Funny Facebook Statuses
Back in 5 minutes (If not, read this status again).

A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!

Hi, I'm James. Let's bond.

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T.G.I.A. (Thank goodness I'm awesome!)

Sometimes I prefer to use my face as emoticons.
Funny Facebook Statuses
I think it's cool how the word "OK" is a sideways person!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and if that doesn't work out for you, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Funny Facebook Statuses
Keep calm and know Google can help you find a way to fix almost every problem. If not it will tell you who can fix it.

It hurts when you go to unfriend someone, and you find they've beaten you to it!

To help reduce cost, this status was outsourced to India.

Funny Facebook Statuses
... slept like a baby last night.... waking up every 3 hours crying for food.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Funny Facebook Statuses


I would rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook.

Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked, "Do you have any firearms with you?", do not reply, "What do you need?"

Funny Facebook Statuses
I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms into body wash.

All work and no play, will make you a manager.

Dear Mom, I'm wearing skinny jeans. If I can't get them off, neither can the rapist. Love, your daughter.

Funny Facebook Statuses
Behave, What you do today will be on Facebook tomorrow.

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

You're beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

Funny Facebook Statuses


The kids down the street have challenged me to a water fight. I'm just updating my status whilst I wait for the kettle to boil.

Last night, I think I was hugging a guy with a beard yelling, "Dumbledore, you're alive!" I may have been drunk or something, but can't be sure.

 
I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it.

You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that's four more fingers than I normally give.
Funny Facebook Statuses
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

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If school has taught us anything, it's texting without looking.

Behind every successful man... there is a confused woman.

Funny Facebook Statuses


They said we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.

Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean... against tables, chairs, walls, floors, and... not-so-pretty people!!!

... wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

Funny Facebook Statuses
When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.

Like this if you can't think of a clever status either.
Funny Facebook Statuses
... now understands, the reason he can't find his car keys is because he doesn't have a car.

You don't have to like me, I'm not a Facebook status!

In an interview, "I can multitask housework with Facebook!"

 
... is listed as in a relationship with iPad, iPhone, Apple TV, MacBook Air... are there any other Apple products left out there?
Funny Facebook Statuses
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls just make you feel like you're in heaven!

Facebook is like prison. You sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.

... used to jog a mile everyday, then found a shortcut.
Funny Facebook Statuses
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "Help! Shark! Help!" I just laughed 'cause I knew that shark was not going to help him.

... must stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with girlfriend, family, professors, and friends.

We have so much in common. You want to travel, I want you to go.

New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.

Don't pay attention to this status, I'm standing alone in public so I'm doing this to make it look like I'm busy.

If you've never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can't be friends.

-^v-^v-^v-^v-_____^v-^v-^v- For a second there, I was bored to death.

I don't always post updates...but when I do, I prefer status stalker...stay lazy my friends.

 

Funny Facebook Statuses
Hi, my name is Damimeve. The 'mime' is silent.

A man asked a fairy to make him desirable and irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.

... believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

I wonder what it's like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA!

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend → Approve → Write something on wall → Intro → Everyday chatting → Ask phone number → Texting → Calling → Meeting → Express love → Change relationship status → Hangout → Misunderstanding → Fights → Break up → Unfriend → Block :( THE END

Funny Facebook Statuses
Log onto Facebook and write on people's walls and they are fine with it. But if you go to their house and start writing on their walls, they totally get mad and call the cops on you! Umm, can someone please come bail me out?

These were some hilarious Facebook messages that you can use to update your profile. Hope these statues help you get a flutter of comments as well as 'Likes' on your profile page.
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